Professor Snape Saves 99.9999% Of Seattle From A Pestilent Raffaele Sollecito

Posted by Professor Snape





It has been awhile since I last reported on the perceptions of average Seattleites regarding the ongoing Meredith Kercher murder trial saga. 

The recent arrival of Raffaele Sollecito in Seattle on the final stop of his book promotion tour provided an excellent opportunity to revisit this interesting and telling topic.

By the time Raffaele had arrived in Seattle it was well known that his book sales would ultimately be dismal, and that his father was overly busy in the Italian media strenuously disavowing the major claim of the book; the claim of illegal backroom corruption that is central to the book’s “Honor Bound” title. 

And where Sollecito wasn’t lying outright, it had become painfully obvious that many of the new claims in his book directly contradicted statements he had previously made in his prison diary, or that can readily be found in other early sources of case information.





With this in mind, under protection of his invisibility cloak Professor Snape casually strolled into a cold and nearly empty auditorium on the University of Washington campus to find out firsthand exactly who would be attending such an event. 

He found himself among no more than 60 aging and grayish FOA groupie types, most with Raffaele’s book tucked carefully underarm in high anticipation of a dynamic evening, as if a prized show horse were about to enter an arena.

It seemed that in spite of extensive national and local promotion the good people of Seattle had stayed away entirely!  In fact, Snape observed one woman who showed up at the door in response to a local radio ad, but then walked away in disgust upon learning that she would have to pay a $5 entry fee if Raffaele’s book were not purchased onsite. 

So as it turned out, this was going to be an evening for friends and family only, with absolutely no groundswell of grass roots support from Seattleites, or even Amanda Knox herself for that matter, who sent her mother and sister instead to honor the imagined savior, Raffaele Sollecito.





As a welcoming gift, Snape threw down the Permanent Sticking Charm causing an uncomfortable delay to the program.  Event organizers began complaining of a Jinx in the audio or video equipment and one loudmouth attendee sarcastically suggested that the press photographer might be able to do a better repair job than the UW AV staff.  This was followed by chuckles and chest pounding causing Snape to consider invoking the Reparo Charm, but instead he provided only his trademark sly sneer.

The show finally started.  Everyone seemed to have their books out in hand, except for Snape who could be singled out because he was one of the few who possessed a half torn gold admission ticket.  The audience eagerly awaited juicy and triumphant tales from the currently ex-con Sollecito, as if his narrative would be somehow bold and charged with ownership.  However, things quickly stagnated into pathetic mumbling and unbelievably boring descriptions of irrelevant events. 

One could easily assume that Raffaele was under the influence of a Babbling Curse, but he didn’t require any of Snape’s help whatsoever.





News anchor Dennis Bounds from Seattle’s KING 5 TV succeeded spectacularly in bringing the interview to an even lower than anticipated standard.  Bounds declared at the outset that the two had spent a great deal of time the day before preparing for this supposedly spontaneous interview.  At the beginning of the interview it seemed as though the audience was ready to reach out and pet Raffaele’s adorable made-over hair as if he were a poodle on a podium. 

But all too soon his ho-hum responses caused even this adoring crowd’s anticipation to plummet like facebook stock values.

Bounds tried very hard to extract meaningful replies from Raffaele, but Raffaele remained unfocused and glazed over as if on some kind of stardom high; stupidly cheerful and starstruck.  Bounds provided Raffaele with obviously rehearsed and leading questions from his cue-sheet, along with tips and reminders for answers when Raffaele stumbled or hesitated.  At times Bounds even had to resort to guessing what Sollecito might have felt, when there was no ready response.





At times during the program a larger than life photograph of Meredith Kercher mysteriously appeared on the large screen above Bounds and Sollecito.  This happened on three separate occasions, which became odder still because Bounds and Sollecito just kept right on talking, never once pausing to address or acknowledge Meredith’s presence. 

Furthermore, you could hear a pin drop when this happened and the entire audience seemed to be frozen in a shock state.

A few heads looked pensively towards the event organizer; a woman in a red dress who ran swiftly up to the projection booth to erase the image. Heads turned again when Meredith’s picture came up a second time, while the UW AV crew in the back chuckled and snickered.  After Meredith’s 3rd appearance before the crowd an ominous “power off” signal appeared on the screen and Meredith was gone; all the more strange because none of this seemed to have anything to do with the ongoing and terribly bland program.

Sollecito continued regurgitating shallow prefabricated answers, apparently borrowed from previous book signing engagements. His voice was in no way authoritative, but instead came across as low and unsure.  At times he did not seem to recall the responses that he had been coached to provide. And then Bounds finally got around to asking Raffaele what he thought about Prosecutor Mignini and the home team audience roared with laughter, for the first and only time, as if they knew they were going to finally get what they came to hear.





Mignini could have been a topic that would get fur flying and put Sollecito into a much more animated mood.  But no sparks flew.  There were no gasps into the microphone, no fingers pointed or arms flinging in the air, and in the end nothing but a “Riddikulus” and mundane reply from Raffaele, “I do not know what Mignini thinks of me because Mignini never talked to me.”  Bounds seemed taken aback and asked again about Mignini, but Sollecito was completely unable to offer any unkind words, which must have been a devastating letdown for this particular audience.

Bounds pressed Sollecito about the possibility his of coming to Seattle to live, work, and possibly attend the UW, but Raffaele seemed ambivalent while agreeing that it could be a possibility. Before wrapping up the interview Sollecito answered selected questions taken from index cards passed around the audience. 

While this only served to extend the bore-fest, Professor Snape successfully inquired if Sollecito felt his book might have an impact on the upcoming prosecutor’s appeal to the Court of Cassation in Italy and if so, how.  Sollecito seemed unable to provide his own coherent response and instead relied upon Bounds and the audience to first suggest, “yes, hopefully in a positive manner.”





With that, Snape prepared to wrap up his investigative mission (with no book under cape) as three women approached, one after the other, insisting that Snape identity himself and the nature of his business at the event.  When asked for his name by a crazy lady Number One, Snape defiantly asked back, “What is your name”, to which Number One replied, “I am a nobody”; truthfully spoken, as Snape’s Veritaserum cologne worked its magic.

Crazy lady Number Two demanded to know why Snape was taking pictures and Snape replied that it was because he found the event interesting.  Number two pressed on, asking “Why do you think it is interesting?”  Perhaps Number Two missed noticing that this was, in fact, a highly promoted book-selling tour and not a FOA backyard BBQ, or that the Barbara Walters top 10 most interesting people of 2011 included a subject mentioned conspicuously in the title of Raffaele’s book.

Unfortunately Number Two felt the need to make a hasty retreat, apparently under the influence of the Banishing Charm, before attempting to answer any questions from Snape.





Crazy lady Number Three was only slightly more civil and carried on in a polite but entirely too nosey manner, boldly asking who Snape was. “Oh, I have never heard that name before!” Number Three exclaimed under the influence of the Confundus Charm.  Number Three herself had been taking countless pictures of everyone present all evening, explaining that she was a journalist for a small Seattle-area town.  Honestly, though, she seemed much more like a bored hairdresser/plastic jewelry artist who might blog for an imaginary audience while waiting for imaginary customers.

As Snape departed he was nearly overrun by a couple of Seattle beat cops who were busy dragging out one of the attendees; a poor chap who lost his glasses and all hope of redemption during a defiant struggle.  Following this one bit of excitement in an otherwise pointless evening, a flick of the levitation wand swiftly carried Snape away into the dark Seattle sky.





Comments

Very interesting report.

Thank you, prof!

Posted by Yummi on 10/15/12 at 11:24 AM | #

Thank you for being there Professor Snape. I imagine Voldermort had better things to do.

Your trademark sly sneer alone would be worth the price of admission!

As for the audience of Groupies the appearance of Meredith’s heavenly image, thrice, must have had the same effect on them as Banquo’s ghost on Macbeth or the disciple Peter’s denial of his Lord. Will the cock crow? Will there be everlasting shame? An embarrassing heart stopper for them and so three cheers for the projectionist.

Posted by James Raper on 10/15/12 at 12:12 PM | #

Excellent review. How embarrassing for all involved.

Great work professor Snape.

Posted by Jeffski1 on 10/15/12 at 01:22 PM | #

Cleverly done, Professor. Is he a pestilent fog, or frog? Either term works.

Posted by 2catsintheyard on 10/15/12 at 01:48 PM | #

Thanks for the scintillating (?) report, Snape. Love how the UW camera-person(s) injected the reality of Meredith into the proceedings. Good for them!

I’m amazed that the innocent abroad would not want as many people there as possible to hear how he was cruelly and wrongly convicted by the medieval judicial system of Perugia. Instead, he actually turned people away by charging a fee to enter! Ridikulus! And then his “supporters” cornered the one unknown person in the room, who might perhaps be a new “convert,” and instead of welcoming him, gave him “what for”! Insidius!

I am further saddened that Crazy Lady No. 3 had never heard of Professor Snape. Such ignorance is rare and hard-to-find. Ah well….

Posted by Earthling on 10/15/12 at 03:10 PM | #

I am feeling jealous of the wonderful evening you had there, Prof.

Poor chap is still under the influence, it seems. He does not know that he has been discarded like a used tissue…

Our beloved Amanda charmed the court with very interesting stories and dramas… But the good kid kept his mouth shut. Now they are playing role-reversal. Guaranteed interesting- but bankers may not be happy.

Clearly the crazy lady was imported specially from a different universe (you thought she came from the Moon? wrong!) by Mariotte for this auspicious occasion.

Thanks again for bringing this wonderful evening to lesser mortals like us.

I’m not going to say, “I told you so.”

Posted by chami on 10/15/12 at 03:38 PM | #

Great report!  The FOA must have been in fits as the AV crew brashly projected Meredith’s image onto the screen.  There are scores of silent heroes out there prepared to keep Meredith’s memory alive.  That image and memory will follow Knox & Sollecito wherever they go.

Posted by Stilicho on 10/15/12 at 05:03 PM | #

Snape, thanks for braving the elements and bouncers one, two and three. What’s it like to be so close to a murder suspect?

Your report is yet further confirmation that not only Sollecito’s sack of lies book, but by extension the next installment as well (Knox’s) will do little to either recover their publishers’ costs, or fool a skeptical and more-and-more informed public.

The wearing of “Team Knox” jackets by some of the “public” (i.e. Knox Entourage) at the U of Washington event is somehow spooky to me. The only things that are missing are brass knuckles and Harley Davidsons for each of them.

Posted by Kermit on 10/15/12 at 06:18 PM | #

Well done Professor!

Posted by brmull on 10/15/12 at 06:40 PM | #

Professor Snape, thank YOU. I knew i would miss out on an important event, if I couldn’t go. Thank you for the detailed description. I have only one question after looking at the pictures: is it usual to have a uniformed (and armed) policeman in a book signing event at UW?

Posted by Hungarian. on 10/15/12 at 07:29 PM | #

Hi Snape,

You have outdone yourself this time…a thousand times - thank you for reporting from the front lines.  I especially enjoyed hearing about your harassment issues from Crazy Lady #3 who claimed to be a “journalist” from a small town; I assume that would be looped on Vashon one, (whose latest offering is about Girl Scout Cookies or something).  How dare you be harassed at all, but knowing you, you blew them off with ease as you aptly described. I wish I was there for the experience and harassment myself…maybe next time.

Great job & thanks again for the fab pics and reporting!

Tara

Posted by Tara on 10/15/12 at 07:51 PM | #

Very amusing and clever description.  I can imagine the book promotion by AK is going to be a whole different dramatic circus.

Posted by believing on 10/15/12 at 10:56 PM | #

Good on you, brave Snape! I couldn’t have stomached it.

Posted by mimi on 10/16/12 at 01:14 AM | #

Hi Hungarian, yes I was also wondering that. Especially at such a low key non event like this.

You could understand if it was some big superstar and they needed crowd control ect.  But surely 60 odd mostly pensioner aged groupies WTF.

Maybe they were expecting a sneak attack by all those hater/guilters types they keep bleating on about !!

Posted by Jeffski1 on 10/16/12 at 07:59 AM | #

I concur with Believing.  This was a very entertaining read, and I applaud whoever was behind the projection of Meredith’s pictures. The fact that one of the organizers rushed to turn off the projector was rather classless, considering that no matter what story the PR machine spins, Meredith is undeniably the one true victim.  Her death is the only reason why Raffaele was there in the first place, signing his books and blabbering, and that’s depressing and disgusting in itself. They must all know he’s guilty, or they wouldn’t be trying to protect him from Meredith’s image.

I do wonder whose idea it was to allow Raffaele to go through with this book project. The lies in the book and the dismal media appearances are not helping him, and some may lead to further legal troubles down the line, whose costs will probably exceed anything he’s made from his book deal.

I don’t usually say things like this, but maybe the universe does work in mysterious ways.  They’ve been trying so hard to profit from Meredith’s death and their efforts haven’t seemed to bear fruition so far, so maybe in the end they won’t get away with it.

Regarding the FOA “bouncers,” I find their gall astounding.  What right do they have to question someone, when they aren’t there in any official capacity themselves? (i.e. like police, security, etc.). I did find it amusing that the last one didn’t know about Snape, however.

Amanda was probably counseled not to show public support for Raffaele’s book, in case it turns out to be a legal disaster. Also, considering the potshots he’s been taking at her, she’s probably pretty pissed right now.  I fully anticipate some retorts in her book.

As a last note, Raffaele looks pretty drugged up (or maybe he photographs stupid like other people photograph badly).

Thank you, Professor Snape, for diving so deeply into slime to bring us a report of this event.

Posted by Vivianna on 10/16/12 at 10:36 AM | #

I am slowly going over the book. However it takes at least one pack of anti motion sickness pills to even approach it. I intent to cross reference it which may take time. It’s not just a simple matter of highlighting the obvious lies this little drug addicted shit scribbles but to paraphrase William Shakespeare “I will glue myself to the sticking point” Stay tuned

Posted by Grahame Rhodes on 10/16/12 at 01:11 PM | #

That trademark sly sneer reared its head again when witch #3 looked straight at me from the floor and took my picture. I picked up my camera, rolled out the lens, made sure she was looking me in the eye and took her picture right back.

Fair game.

Spooky, Kermit, really Spooky. I was expecting red glowing eyes but instead saw a cheerful juvenile and distracted attitude.  It reminded me of a case I sat through of an elderly woman who had been murdered.. The migrant worker had raped her, pulled her up and down the stairs by her long hair then tucked her back into her little bed.  The only thing Sollecito was missing that night was a pack of crayons, he already had the smile.

I like the Team Knox brass knuckles; they would have been great with the Amanda Knox Halloween costumes – an original for sale on Craig’s List.
I don’t know a thing about hiring police officers but it’s my guess you pay them by their attitude.

Perhaps I was pegged as a trouble maker from the get go. They couldn’t see beyond my cloak. I sat way off to the side so when this weirdo guy came and sat down behind me asking me stupid questions such as does the guy speak English or would he have an interpreter or am I free after the show I just picked up all of my belongings with a vocal exhale, walked up a couple steps and sat down behind him.  His squirming around during the event ruined the recordings.  I have my hunches who this guy is but am much too much a gentlemen to tattle.

Missed you, too Tara.  Rendezvous’ for “Starters Only” next time?

Tickets on the Hogwarts Express leaving on platform 9 3 4 anyone?

Posted by Professor Snape on 10/16/12 at 05:57 PM | #

Weird.

Posted by aethelred23 on 10/16/12 at 09:16 PM | #

Thank you Snape for keeping alive the memory of Meredith Kercher.

Meredith Kercher’s spirit can NEVER be switched off!

Posted by True North on 10/16/12 at 09:27 PM | #

Thank you Severus; my ‘take’ on this is it is a very valuable visit to understand the territory before the AK book launch; an opportunity to understand how the land lies ahead of heightened high jinks during the next round. Perhaps a double helping of invisibility cloak ? One of thos maps that shows where all the major ‘players’ are at any given time ?

Posted by Smacker on 10/17/12 at 12:19 PM | #

OK I have started to take Sollecito’s diatribe apart.
Right off the top the first five paragraphs are full of suppositions and absolutely no facts whatever. It concerns somebody who might or might not be Rude Guede since he has his back to the surveillance camera but never mind that.
according to Sollecito Rude Guede must be in the pay of the local police since after one arrest they let him go for lack of evidence.

Honestly it’s laughable

It goes on that the time stamped surveillance camera picked up, and I quote
“Guede-or his dopplganger-vanished into the night but the camera picked up a similar pair of shoes crossing the street towards Meredith and Amanda’s house about half an hour later”...

You see where he’s going with this. No proof just supposition half truths and a very poor attempt at a misdirection play. He should have got Bruce Fisher to write it since Bruce is an out and out liar of the highest order…Anyway to continue.
Having laid the groundwork with the first paragraphs he now states that in spite of the supposition it is in fact a reality and true, and he makes the statement that Guede “formulated the plan to break in making sure he was unseen.”
In the next paragraph he states that “he had met Meredith and Amanda briefly” This directly contradicts Knox’s statement that she had “Never seen Guede before he appeared in the courtroom.” Whups another lie.
Last paragraph on the page he goes back to supposition by stating that Filomena’s window was smashed by someone wearing sneakers which looked like Guede’s

If he had never met Guede in the first place how in the hell did he know what his sneakers looked like…........It’s nonsense…. and this is just the first page.

Next page second paragraph in which he states that the surveillance camera caught “A trace” of someone walking towards the house at just moments before nine-o-clock. More supposition since it has never been confirmed that it was Meredith. At this point I wish to remind people that some supporters of Knox suggested that Meredith had as many multiple partners as Knox herself thereby implying that Meredith had it coming anyway. To continue….....
now we get to the leak under the sink. This is full of holes (No pun intended) because Sollecito states that “He had the thing fixed by a plumber just the week earlier, and he had made me buy all sorts of replacement parts which were not put together properly hence the leak.”
Think about it if you have a leak under a sink say around the trap then why didn’t it show up following the days after the plumber. Perhaps Sollecito has the same cleanliness habits as Knox but I get ahead of myself. If the sink had been leaking all that time and as he states they used “kitchen towels” to mop up the water. Then why does Knox feel the need to go back to her place to get their mop since Sollecito does not have one. The paragraph ends with Sollecito saying he’s going to let the landlady deal with it.

Next paragraph. They made a fish dinner after which they did their best to wash the dishes again..using the leaky sink. If there was that amount of water which needed a mop then what’s with the kitchen towels This is a really a joke. Honesly it sounds like a sketch from Saturday night live.

More to come tomorrow. Point though. As the headings change on the site I will continue to post updates.

Posted by Grahame Rhodes on 10/17/12 at 01:33 PM | #

It just occurred to me that the reason for Knox’s book not coming out before is because they wanted to see what Sollecito wrote (Or in this case his ghost writer) That is obviously so they could compare notes and to once more quote Sollecito directly

“Get their stories straight”

Posted by Grahame Rhodes on 10/17/12 at 06:15 PM | #

Hi Professor Snape,

Thanks for your excellent report. I mistakenly thought that freak shows were a thing of the past. I don’t want to focus on the simple-minded fools who wanted to see this grotesque freak in the flesh. I find it heartening that you and Bedelia have been proactive and made sure that Meredith wasn’t forgotten when Sollecito tried to promote his disgusting book. It’s great to see you back on TJMK.

Posted by The Machine on 10/17/12 at 06:26 PM | #

Not a correction, but I was hoping to post this here so everyone could see it.

We need your HELP!!!

Maybe you’d like to submit a review of Raffaele Sollecito’s book, or give 5 stars to the negative reviews that are on Amazon.com. Knox’s PR team and FOA are out in full force giving positive reviews to the book and spreading misinformation in the positive reviews and in the responses to the negative reviews that are there. Amazon ranks reviews based on how helpful they’ve been rated (the star system) so the negative reviews of the book can easily be buried without your help.

PLEASE take a moment to post online rebuttals to the misinformation that is out there.

Also, the Wikipedia page “The Murder of Meredith Kercher” is very biased and needs work, so if you know how to edit Wikipedia that might be useful as well.

Thank you. Feel free to move this post if there is a better location for it.

Posted by devorah on 10/18/12 at 01:48 AM | #

@ Devorah
Hmm a couple of weeks ago Mr Quenell e-mailed anyone who might help post corrections to Sollecito´s book. I´ve found out that I´m not that good at that nor do I know much editing Wikipedia articles. But I at least I know now why I signed up at Amazon !

Posted by aethelred23 on 10/19/12 at 03:43 PM | #

Great report, Snape. It sounds like I made the right call when I decided to stay home and clean out my shed. Besides, I might have been recognized by someone as a dangerous local activist who - gasp! - dared to question the innocence of Knox and Sollecito in this tragic murder. I am delighted to know that, magically, Meredith managed to insert herself into the proceedings three times. And not surprised to learn that Sollecito was oblivious to her presence. Maybe he sees her lovely face whenever he closes his eyes.

Posted by Skeptical Bystander on 10/20/12 at 05:51 PM | #

Thank you Snape. Chuckles…

Posted by Bettina on 05/15/14 at 04:38 PM | #


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