Meredith’s Perugia #34: Startling Sights Of Italy As Selected By Video Editor Alessandro Belotti

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0.13 ... casa !!

What a beautiful video.

The palatial sweep of Italy in this video is astounding. So many architects, so many stone masons have built up this lovely land. Think Big must have originated here.

Which brings me to Raffaele’s sad lament in prison when he realized all he had thrown away, the privileges of this Italian beauty and the freedom to enjoy it.

He says in November 11, 2007 letter: The other day a guard, while attending me in my cell, asked me, “Do you like life in prison?” And I turn with anger in my heart which I don’t show if not with my look, and in my mind I thought, ‘This guy wants to take me for the (fondelli??). Therefore I respond, “Yes, of course…!!!” to tell him to quit it. But he remains silent, and then he tells me, “So for you it’s not bad, the life here. And I: ‘Look I intended the contrary. But you really would like to say that there exists someone who likes life in prison?” And he: ‘Yes, certainly.”

“At that point all my thoughts and certainties collapse like a pyramid of cards made badly and it comes to mind that there exist people who don’t have even a house and food. And the response “But you mean people who don’t have a house? And he: “Yes”. And I: “Excuse me greatly” And he: “No, I appeared, it is I who didn’t explain myself well, I didn’t want to taunt you.”

“This brief discussion opened my eyes. I used to habitually always have a clean house, the heater so hot when it’s cold, a warm bed, a fabulous car, eating the best of the best, have the highest performance computer on the market and a family that loves me…There are people who have nothing.”

“I sought and seek to return my life to that which was given to me, but I realize that it is never enough and I still have to work hard to do something for others and for myself. For the moment I pass the time trying to talk to doctors, psychologists, educators, guards, captains, even with the psychiatrist (not a bad sort) and I then watch television and write, I want to start reading…I want a computer…if only…The maximum would be a portable Playstation or Nintendo…Yeah, sure, if I’m allowed to use a thing of its kind in prison would say that Italy is the fruit!”

“Those days, I was very anxious and nervous, but to see my father who tells me “don’t worry yourself, we’ll pull you out” makes me stay better.

“My real concerns now are two: one derives from the fact that if Amanda that night remained all night with me could (and is an extremely remote possibility) to have made love the whole evening and night only stopping to eat…A fine mess because there are no links to other servers in those hours on my computer…The second is that Amanda stole the knife from me to give to the son of a bitch that killed Meredith…This hypothesis is a bit of science fiction, but possible…therefore I am troubled. They say that on the knife there are no traces of blood, so I am much more relaxed…I cannot wait for the scientific results from Rome.”

To change topics let me say that maybe Raffaele has Stockholm Syndrome, being enamored of his captors. If his mother smothered him and then after her death his dad began to smother him, he may not feel “normal” unless he is in thrall to someone else. Sort of like a massive codependency. So he hooked up with Amanda with the results being he is now in thrall to her needs. He must be feeling like his meaningfulness to the world exists only insofar as he is someone’s puppet. He must be having a sense now of evaporating as a person, with his father having taken his controlling hands off him. Maybe Dr. Sollecito went to see a psychologist himself to get advice for himself and Mara, maybe marriage counseling. Perhaps she gave him an ultimatum it’s me or Raf and the doctor was told to “detach” and let Raf go, that his season of helping him was over.

November 13, 2007:  He mentions many friends like Corrado, Xavier, Gianfranco, Marian (who is in Shanghai), Milko (who certainly will be thinking that certain things only happen to me), Claudia, Valeria, Paolo in Milan, Erica, Clelia and all Piazza Porta. He names more than 14 other friends: “Guido of Roma, Guido of Pisa (this time they put me in a cage), Robertino, Alessandra, Enrico…and all of the friends…who have seen and are my neighbors, who have known me and know that a characteristic of mine, which sometimes can be a fault, is my total inability to do evil.”

“And it is precisely here that are created the various levels of my personality, that tries in every way to defend carrying a knife in his pocket and sacrificing so many years to learn and risk in a sport like kickboxing. My personality is a combination of many weights and measures adopted to find tranquility and peace in everyday life made of small battles and conquests. These days and even weeks ago, I realized that the continued closeness to Amanda is the…prison they have made lose totally my daily dedication to prayer, which although I did them sometimes in this period, it wasn’t so…as usual…the problem is not that I’ve lost faith, but that one…of facts and changes have taken assault on my life and I found myself totally unprepared and lost in a context that I believe outside of reality.” (this part of the translation with many elisions is a bit unclear)

“The reality is that my life now is changed forever and there is no way to go back: I can only pick up the lost pieces, reattach them and make a puzzle…At heart, not all the evil come to harm, we must collect the good parts from each thing, otherwise to live becomes impossible.”...

end of November 13th entry. Thanks again to translator Belle of Milano.

Where next:

Or to next entry Excerpts From John Kercher’s Fine Book “Meredith” #1 Including Her First Happy Ventures To Italy

Or to previous entry Meredith’s Perugia #12: A Colorful Event Right Now That Meredith Might Have Loved